Finding a new path

Why do we do the things we do, when we know the things we know?

The question has plagued mankind and his therapist's throughout history. Given the information that has been compiled for all of us over thousands of years, why do we have such difficulty with some simple concepts? For instance we all know what it takes to stay at an ideal weight. Simple! Just eat the right foods in the right quantities and get enough exercise to burn any excess calories. But how many Americans are overweight or worse obese? The answer is - far too many to be just part of the normal averages. Some might say "It's hereditary, my whole family is overweight." Look up metabolism on MayoClinic.com you will see that large or obese people have a higher Base Metabolic Rate BMR than skinny people. Or that it's difficult to figure out the right portions. If that were their true reason, logically the answer would be to just err on the side of caution and when you got too skinny add a little extra food. Of course people don't behave logically when it comes to food. For that matter we don't behave logically in many matters that affect our well being. Finances are another area that many of us falter at. How many people spend more money than they make? We all know how to add, yet we still run short. Why do we justify making credit card purchases for items we may not necessarily need and cannot afford at the time. Convenience? It's not that simple. When we bought something on credit, if the true cost were posted on that item, including all the interest and other charges incurred by the time the purchase was paid down, we would never buy that item. The true cost would not justify the convenience. There are so many other areas in our lives where we make decisions contrary to our best interests.

But why? Many times we get motivated enough to do something about it, to affect some true change in our lives. Going to the Gym, getting on a diet, cutting up the credit cards and many other drastic moves to change for the better. For most of us though it's very short lived, before long we somehow find ourselves back into the same old habits. There's a clue, habits, bad habits. So we want to break the habit, or form new habits, so many catch phrases, so few results.

For too many people that habit of getting back into old habits is debilitating or even fatal and it saddens me, makes me want to do something about it. Why? Why? But cigarettes are addicting, it's hard to break the addiction. Harder than losing a lung? How about monitoring your blood sugar and adjusting your diet to keep Diabetes in check, to keep from having to amputate another limb, before going blind? Not hard to do! Logically. Yet people continue to do these things time and time again.

These are just some common examples of things we do that aren't in our best interest. If we changed our daily habits just a little bit, the compounding effect over years of time, would deliver a completely different outcome. Grandchildren on our knee, listening to our advice on living right. Money in our accounts, for doing what we want to do. Peace of mind, knowing that we have done the best with what we were given in life. Good health and prosperity. Who wouldn't want that?

The opposite? Poor health, pain and suffering. Becoming a physical and finacial burden on our families. Setting a poor example for them to follow. Feeling deep regret for knowing deep down inside that we could have done better, should have done better. Why?

Conditioning

In a word, conditioning. People are creatures of habit. When we become conditioned to doing something a certain way, we cling to that habit as if our life depended on it. Even if it kills us! Our past conditioning has come from many different sources. Much of it was heaped on us as we were growing up, by our parents, teachers, friends, media and role models. Who thinks our kids could use some better role models these days? MTV is not cutting it! Some of it was deliberate. Ronald McDonald telling your kids to come in and get the newest toy in the "Happy Meal" (TM). Credit card companies, Magic Johnson for Rent a Center, "You can achieve your goals" WTH? Some parents or other adults are deliberate in their abusive condescending remarks to children, which later results in low self esteem. Low self esteem is largely responsible for many of the poor decisions we make on our own parts. Much of it is just innocent though. The odd remark here or there. "She's such a chubby little girl" Duh! ya big dummy" or here's one I've heard way too many times "I know a guy whose Grandfather smoked 3 packs a day and lived to be 90 years old" and "I could walk out on the street tomorrow and get run over by a truck, I'm going to enjoy my life" I don't buy that one! "The rich get richer, the poor get poorer" How many times have we heard these and so many more? Programming. Plus we never knew, as children that we would pretty much mirror the five people we hung around with the most. We still do by the way, in case you weren't aware of it. So be careful how you choose your acquaintances.

Whatever the reason, good bad or indifferent, we end up with a set of personal philosophies that drive our actions though our subconscious minds. Even when our education tells us differently, we stick to our guns. Once these ideas become established in our subconscious, it is very difficult to change them. Ever have that conversation with someone who seemed intelligent enough, but was so illogical that you just couldn't understand how they came to the conclusions they had? Even when it was clearly shown otherwise, they would stick to there story? (Maybe he's saying the same thing about you right now.) Programing. We all do it, in some area of our life. I can see Mr. Spock nodding his head right now. We are all creatures of habit.

A new path

Habits formed by programming are a lot like a path or trail through a field of high grass. After the same path gets used regularly for a while a clear trail starts to form and it becomes easy to follow and very familiar. After a while you are able to follow it without even paying attention. What happens if you try to take a different route through the same field? At first it will be very difficult and unfamiliar forging a new path. To make matters worse, if you don't use the new path regularly, the grass quickly covers the new trail, making it difficult to make out and follow exactly again. The high grass also covers up many hidden obstacles that you are likely to find unexpectedly. When you hit a tough obstacle you must either break through it or find another way around it. Causing you to forge another new path. What happens though if you forge a new path, get around all the obstacles and use it regularly for a while? A clear new trail starts to form. Not only that but if you stick to using the new trail long enough, the grass starts growing over the old trail and over time it completely disappears leaving only the new path as the obvious way through the field. So we must set a new path for our old habits.

So now, how do we go about re-setting that programming, to work for us rather than against us?

It's not too difficult, but it takes a conscious effort to reprogram our subconscious.

A positive start

There's more to positive thinking than you might think

It has been demonstrated time and again that our actions always gravitate to our most predominant thoughts so obviously positive thoughts lead to positive actions and negative thoughts lead to negative actions. The mind, especially at the subconscious level also has a hard time focusing on the reverse (negative) of something. For instance, "I will quit smoking", "I will get out of debt" or "I will lose weight". So we need to replace them with better phrases.

Classic example of this would come from my days of riding dirt bikes. Experienced riders will always tell you not to look at the ruts in the track or road but to focus on where you want to go. Great advice until you try it in real life at about 35 miles per hour coming around a blind bend. Ahhh! giant deep ruts in the road, you're looking at them and in a split second surmise that it would not be wise to get into one of them at high speed. Guess what happens, like a moth to a flame, in your mind you are saying no no no stay out of that deep one. Bam! crash, over the handle bars. So how do we react to that painful experience? Usually we react to the pain much like we do to other painful life experiences. Most of us slow way down, being super cautious for a while especially around the unfamiliar turns in the road. Some people quit riding motorcycles altogether and curse the evil contraption for the rest of their lives. A small percentage of riders will hop right back on before their broken parts are even healed and blast off blindly around the next turn. Funny thing is that even they will learn, after many more crashes albeit, how to ride proficiently. Anyone that sticks with it long enough, will eventually learn to focus on where they are going, rather on where not to go, and become comfortable with riding.

So back to positive thinking. Positive thoughts and words, when spoken in the present tense and in the affirmative, have a powerful affect on our behavior. The proper phrasing for instance would be "Focus on the best and clearest path to get you to your destination." rather than "Don't look at the ruts!" Otherwise, the first time you come upon a huge rut at high speed, you'll be saying DON'T LOOK AT THE RUT! while you are staring right at it. So some other ways to phrase things in the positive and present tense would be "I don't enjoy smoking any more, I am an ex smoker" or "I'm spending my money much more wisely now and my debt is disappearing" or how about "I am watching what I eat so that I can maintain my optimum health". Just saying these things consciously, often enough can have a powerful effect on re-programming your subconscious mind. This in turn will affect your daily behavior, which will cause you to form new habits, which will completely change your outlook on anything you apply it to.

But I've tried that "positive thinking" stuff

Here's the catch. Many people try it without a complete understanding of the the process. You might be saying "I think I can, I think I can" "i know i can..... i know..i ...can" All the while the voices in the back of your head (the committee) are saying, that "positive thinking" mumbo jumbo never works. The first problem here is, that is your past programing talking back there - and all of them want to be right. If you can understand and get past that one obstacle - those voices -you are on your way. The first step to take is to get rid of the "quotation marks" around positive thinking! Keep doing it for a few weeks and you will see things differently, then the voices will subside, then you will believe in the process.

We usually find what we're looking for

Here's something to consider. We may not always get everything we want, but we usually get everything we expect. We usually find what we're looking for. Have you ever bought a new car and then started noticing all the other cars of the same model around you? You're thinking wow, now everyone else went out and got the same car as me. How about first time parents? You notice all the other pregnant women around and the later all the newborn babies. That's just our subconscious mind driving our attention to our predominant thoughts.

Here's another thing to consider. If you have a young child and adore the precious little thing, you will notice every tender moment between a parent and child. When you do come across a misbehaved child, throwing a tantrum, being mean and rude to others, your thoughts might go along the line of either blaming the parent for creating a monster or feeling bad that the child was never taught proper behavior. But what if you were called a "rotten kid" many times as a child? What would be your thought process then? You'd probably walk right by quiet little infants in their carriers and barely notice them but every time you see the child throwing a tantrum here come the thoughts. Depending on how you were raised, it might be "That rotten kid, I'd never put up with that! I'd _________ that kid right there on the spot!" Programming, and you would absolutely believe every word you thought! We usually find what we are looking for. So what are you looking for? You might want to reprogram that - because right now (sobering thought for the moment) you are finding everything you're looking for.

Finish the sentence

Kids should be seen and not _____. Never talk to _________. If you want something done right, do it ________. Life's a _____. Programming. How about; Mac________ is our kind of place, because it's _______ place. Programming. Two all beef patties _______ _____ lettuce cheese pickles onions on a ______ ____ ___. Programming. For the older crowd; Plop plop fizz fizz __ ____ _ ______ __ __. Programming. Winston taste's good like a _________ ______. Programming.

How many times have we heard "The system works against the little guy, you just can't beat the system" Programming. May I ask, who the system is? "All the big corporations. All the powerful rich people. The greedy politicians" We hear these arguments almost every day. What about Bill Gates? "Ah lucky computer geek, was in the right place at the right time" Barrack Obama? "Ah.........shuddup". Truth is we can place ourselves anywhere on the socio-economic ladder of life that we choose to, plain and simple. It just depends on our beliefs. We usually find everything we're looking for.

What a concept!

We can place ourselves anywhere on the ladder we choose! It just depends on what we choose to believe. As the late great Jim Rhon would say "We don't need a minimum wage, 'cause it's a ladder, you're not stuck anywhere on it! You can climb as high as you like. You just have to increase your value" Now for someone who doesn't choose to increase their value, they might like the minimum wage idea but that's all they'll ever earn."

Re-programming

So how do we re-program ourselves. As I said earlier, start with positive thinking but sometimes that's not enough, the past programming is too strong. The voices won't go away.

I'm going to give you some powerful techniques that I've used myself and I can attest to their effectiveness. The results will be astounding for you as well, if you give it a fair try. Now don't give up on the positive thinking, it's an integral part of the process. These techniques should be used in conjunction with positive thinking.

To get started you should choose any area of your life that you would like to change but just start with one so that your mind can get used to the process. Later, after experiencing success in one area, you can move on to others. Remember, you can choose to make any area of your life drastically different than it currently is, just by re-programming your subconscious mind.

Let's start with something simple and later I'll tell you why but lets start simple. Lets say you want to lose about 15 lbs and get into better shape. Lets say you don't want to have a heart attack and die. Simple. You need to set a goal for that and put a deadline to it. Easy enough, most of us have done it before. Here's the important part, we must have that goal in writing, it must be present tense, in positive form and as clear and simple as you can write it. What exactly does that mean? Here we go, first off we don't want to -lose weight- because we have an uncanny ability to find anything we've lost. And it's not "I want to" or even "I will" because as I mentioned earlier the subconscious mind only deals in what you are. Also we don't want to "get in better shape" for the same reasons. Also it doesn't deal well with opposites. We never want our goals to be something we will stop doing or not do. You can't say "I'll never eat junk food again" The subconscious will register "eat junk food again" Don't ask me why but that's how it works, I didn't make the rules, I just know what works. You will want to keep that written goal somewhere that you will see it every day, in this case, the refrigerator might be a good place. You could also keep it in your purse or wallet, or on the bathroom mirror. Anywhere that you will see it daily. Lets just use as an example

"June 1st 2011 I am only eating what makes me healthy and I weigh (pick a target weight)".

We have a goal, a target date for it and an action plan to accomplish it. Now for the most powerful part of this plan. Go to any stationary store or department store and get a pack of 5"x7" note pads. They are cheaper by the 5 pack and you'll want to have a few of them to work on your bigger goals as you find success with the process. Take one note pad and write on the first page in large letters MY 2011 HEALTH GOAL (or whatever the goal is) below that write out the goal as you have it written on your fridge or wherever you chose. So here is our example below.

MY 2011 HEALTH GOAL

JUNE 1ST 2011 I AM ONLY EATING WHAT MAKES

ME HEALTHY AND I WEIGH 170 LBS

Now we keep this note pad somewhere that we can see it and easily pick it up every day to write in. I live out of my pickup truck and it is the one place I'm in and out of all day long so I keep mine in my vehicle. You can keep it anywhere handy for you. Every day you pick up your pad and write your goal and action for achieving it 20 times. In this case it would be - I only eat what makes me healthy and I weigh 170 lbs. 20 times, every day! Those 5"x7" pads have 21 lines on them so on the last line I write I know what to do - I do what I know. Do this every day for a while and soon enough, when you go for lunch and are figuring out what to eat, as you look at two different items and one is better for you, you will see that notepad with your handwriting on it, in your head, as clear as day. Soon enough that notepad will show up every time you think of eating anything that doesn't make you healthy. You will also notice articles on How to find healthy foods and on exercise programs. Or you might meet someone that asks you to join them on a hike. Reprogramming. Your subconscious mind will eventually become completely re wired for a healthy lifestyle and anything less will make you feel very uncomfortable. Like the new trail in the deep grass it will be the only logical way to go. Keep doing this until it is completely etched in your mind permanently. How do you know when that has happened. It's easy, when looking at junk food makes you feel uncomfortable. When you see someone else who looks like they don't eat properly and you want to tell them about it. When you get into an argument with someone about your new philosophy. You'll know when it's sunk in because it becomes who you are.

Be careful what you ask for

I heard a story about a group of people who were asked to write their long term goals out and seal them up for 5 years. They planned to get together then and see how far they had come towards reaching those goals. When the group got together 5 years later, the envelopes were opened one by one. One of the envelopes had a piece of paper and written on it was "This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, I probably won't even be here with you guys in five years". He wasn't, he was dead.

Outside of that extreme, you must still be very careful what you ask for. Vague ideas and concepts have little meaning to your subconscious mind. It only deals in specifics so be very specific about how you will achieve your goal. DANGER - never use "What ever it takes" as a statement of how you intend to achieve your goal. I won't even go into the possible consequences of that statement.

Also make sure your goal is congruent with those around you that you wish to stay harmonious with. If your partner loves to eat and doesn't want to change anything it could lead to serious problems with the relationship. Another great example would be one partner wanting to change spending habits and the other not wanting to. Wow, that will lead to serious problems so think your choices over very carefully before deciding to make a permanent change. I know from my own experience that it changes the way you look at everything and everyone, regardless of how you felt before. So work together with those close to you, on positive goals that benefit all. Make sure you're in it! Don't set a goal for my team winning the State Championships, they might do it without you. (I'm just sayin) Be careful!

Important reminders. You must seek an outcome that you not only are physically capable of doing. If you are 5' 0" no matter how many times you say it you're not going to make it big in the NBA (as a player) You could make it as a coach or any other position if you believed in yourself. And you must do the action, get the training required to achieve the outcome. You can't just wish your way to success. Finally, never sell yourself short!

Why keep it simple? Why not go for it right off the bat? Mistakes, they are part of the learning process. Learn on the simple stuff and grow your goals as you grow your mind.

97% more effective

When competing against other people your success rate with using re-programming goals is 97% more effective for the simple reason that 97% of people don't do it. It's only when you get into the top 3% of achievers that you'll run into some competition. At the Olympic level for instance, everyone sets goals. Some athlete's goals are clearer than others and stuck to more consistently. We call them the winners.

In the book What They Don't Teach You In The Harvard Business School, Mark McCormack tells of a study conducted on the students of the 1979 Harvard MBA program. In that year the students were asked; "Have you set clear, written goals for your future and made plans to accomplish them?" Only 3% had. 13% had goals, but they were not in writing and 84% had no goals other than finishing school.

Ten years later the members of that class were interviewed again and the findings were remarkable. The 13% who had goals but were not written, earned on average twice as much as the other 84% with no goals. The 3% with clear written goals and a plan to accomplish them were earning ten times as much as the other 97% Combined!

If that doesn't clarify the power goals on the subconscious mind and conscious activity for you; then you might just be looking for something else. Now those Harvard students with the goals probably already had different programming than most of us and they knew what they were looking for. We, however have the opportunity to re-program ourselves for anything we want.

There are other, more powerful techniques that I have learned and used as well including meditation, alpha inducing music, neuro linguistic programming and self hypnosis. we'll get into that later but just using what we learned so far can be so powerful and effective and is a great starting point.

So I say "Let's do it!"

Ermin Fergerstrom